i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
