Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
