She announced her abortion via fbk
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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