my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i think i have two assholes
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
there is puke in my bra ... again
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
