Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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