Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
