I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My vagina is officially offended.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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