i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
