Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
