She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
