im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
