Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
