yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
