I feel great
I just peed on a car
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
