who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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