I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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