I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
