Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
