I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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