I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
