I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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