Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
