i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
