Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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