for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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