So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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