Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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