I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
