is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
