oh god the rape fog is back!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
