There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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