Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
