I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
