a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
