ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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