Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
