; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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