If i come over, it means nothing
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
