i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
