I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
