Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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