There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
