you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
