you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
