I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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