hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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