She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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