I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
