dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
