guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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