Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize