Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
