her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
