the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
