my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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