the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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