did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
