My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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