What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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