you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
What did we do last night that was yellow?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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