I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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