we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
