Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
