if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
