drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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