The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
