gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
