i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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