I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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