Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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