the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
