i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i was born a porn star she said
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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