I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
