I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
