You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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