I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
