cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize