The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
